Old Habits Die Hard
by cynthiarox99
Summary: When you think everything is going wrong. Give it time. You never know when things will pick up and your life will be okay again. SEDDIE Rated T for Romance and Suicidal thoughts... One-Shot


Sorry, I'm just experimenting...and I have problems going on so I'm relieving stress. (Sorry about not updating and basically being dead, I've been really busy because my  
>Mom is getting married and so is my sister, so I've been so busy and I'm sorry! I will try to update as soon as I can! Also, this is my first iCarly one-shot!) Goody bag!:)<p>

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><p>Dear Carly,<br>I'm sorry for doing this, because I love you, but I couldn't hold it in any longer. I don't love you in that kind of way anymore. I gave up a long time ago.  
>I'll miss you so much Carly, because you were always my best friend next door. I'll miss iCarly, and I hope you and Sam will keep it going. I hope that you<br>guys will miss me. I just can't explain why I even did this. I'm sorry. But I was in so much pain and I was just so frustrated. I kept running away from  
>everything. Thanks for checking on me to make sure I was okay even though I lied.I've left you pictures to remember me. And some pictures of me, you,<br>Sam, Spencer, and even Gibby. All the crazy times we've ever had. I love you Carly. I always have and I always will. You are like my best friend and sister.  
>Thanks for everything you've ever done. Goodbye Carly Shay. I'll miss you.<br>Love, Freddie Benson

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><p>Dear Spencer,<br>Hey Spence. You were always like a big brother to me. I can't really explain the reason I did this, but I am in no more pain. I am at peace and I no longer  
>have to deal with everyday pain, thank you for checking on me to make sure I was okay. I'm sorry for lying. Thanks for any advice you gave me. Thanks<br>for everything. Goodbye Spencer Shay. I'll miss you.  
>Love, Freddie Benson<p>

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><p>Dear Gibby,<br>Shirtless wonder. I'll miss you Gibster. I can't really tell you why I've done this and I just have to say one thing about it. I'm sorry. You were so weird, but  
>you were a very good friend. Thanks for everything you did for me. Goodbye Gibby Gibson. I'll miss you.<br>Love, Freddie Benson

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><p>Dear Sam,<br>Okay. This is gonna be long. First thing I want to say Sam. I'm sorry for anything I ever did to you. Thank you for being my first kiss. I just want to say  
>that I love you. Yes I love Samantha Joy Puckett. SJP. I think I'm one of the only one's to notice that your initials backwards are PJS. I know that you<br>really love wearing pajamas. I know that peanut butter jelly sandwiches are your favorite snack. Peanut butter Jelly Sandwiches. I'm sorry that I seem  
>really stalker-ish. I love you, so I just naturally know these things about you. I know that when people say your eyes are blue, you get mad. I know that<br>your eyes are really green. They look blue, but I don't care if your eyes are black, you're beautiful. I love your hair, how it's blonde and brown underneath.  
>How you say it's always dirty, but it's soft and clean. I love how it's curly. I don't care what it looks like though. I also love your laugh. I know your favorite<br>color is red. Mine is blue, and I love how we're purple together. I also love our love/hate relationship. And how we could get along whenever we wanted.

Second I want to apologize for doing this. I really hope you'll miss me, because I miss you always just writing this. Sorry if some of it is smudged, I'm  
>crying. Go ahead and laugh, but I'm crying over you. I wish I could see you one last time, but now I bet it's too late. I'll be gone by tomorrow. If you get<br>this before then, please come see me. Please don't bring anyone else, please don't tell them. I love you Sam. Always have and I always will. Goodbye  
>Sam Puckett. I'll miss you...<br>Love..., Freddie Benson

I wrote the last word, closed up the envelope. I quickly opened my door and rushed over to Carly's apartment. I put the letters in their mailbox slot, rang the doorbell.  
>I went across the hall back into apartment looked in the peephole.<p>

Carly came out the door, looked left then right and then looked at her mail slot. "Oh." She stated, grabbed the mail, looked at each of them and saw the one addressed  
>to her, and opened it. It was a good thing that I locked my door. I did that just in case she tried to burst into my house. I looked out at her as she looked at the note in<br>disbelief. She looked at my door and started to cry. I felt really bad about doing this, but just kept watching. I felt the tears forming in my eyes and they started burning.

She went from crying to hitting the ground with her fist after sliding down the wall. "WHY!" She screaming. About 3 seconds later Sam came out. I went from stinging tears  
>to full blown crying. I wiped at my eyes furiously and watched Sam's actions. She took a letter and I assumed it was her's. I watched her face. She went from worried.<br>Then she was shocked. Then she was slightly smiling. Back to shocked. Then she was crying too. I felt so bad but I was in so much pain. My mom recently died. So  
>did my dad. He and my mom got divorced when I was 4, but I didn't remember him at all. I wanted to meet him, but now he's gone. So both my parents are gone, Sam<br>was in love with another guy. I knew she hated me.

She looked at my door. She was crying hard. She looked straight at the peephole. I was shocked she knew me so well. I thought she would, well I did tell her I'd be gone  
>by tomorrow. She knew I was still there. "S-Sam, I'm g-going t-to give t-t-this t-to Spen-Spencer!" She ran off crying hard. I felt guilty. Sam stood up and walked over to my<br>door. Oh no! She turned my knob as I backed away. She sighed, "When are you gonna learn Freddie?" She knelt down and pulled something out of her hair and then she  
>picked my lock, I ran to my room. I also locked the door. I didn't know what to do, when I heard a door shut and my name being called...my actual name. "FREDDIE!"<br>"FREDDIE PLEASE!" I heard a thump. I looked through a crack on my door and I saw her near the couch looking at my door, crying, on the floor. I didn't know why she  
>was so upset. She made it clear that she hated me yesterday.<p>

She saw the light turn on. I knew she did. I'm so stupid! She got up. Tears still streaming down her face rapidly, she walked over to my door...obviously confused, she  
>jiggled the knob. She knelt down to pick the lock. I'm doomed! I jumped on my bed, wait! I rolled off my bed softly and rolled under it. I got under there in time. Sam opened<br>the door. I held my breath. Within 5 seconds she looked under my bed and there I was. And there she was. At first I think she thought I was already dead, but she put a  
>hand on my face and whispered, "Freddie." She was staring at me, and I knew it was too late. She knew I was alive and still there. "FREDDIE!" I was startled by<br>her very loud outburst that my head hit the springs. "Yeah, ow." I said. I rolled out from the other side of my bed. I stood up and looked her dead in the eye. I broke down.

"Sam I'm so sorry I just can't handle everything that's going on with me. My dad died last week. My mom died 2 days ago. And yesterday you told me that you hated me.  
>You just don't understand how I feel about you Sam. I never met my dad. Even though my mom was crazy I loved her. I feel the same about you. I love you, but<br>apparently the feeling isn't mutual. I'm sorry it has to be this way. But I need to get rid of my pain. Nobody understands my pain!" I yelled, not at her, but I was just so  
>frustrated. I looked at her. We both sat down on my bed. She put her arm around my shoulder and placed a hand on my shoulder. She leaned her head on my shoulder.<p>

I feel like we were together, but we weren't sadly. I tried to shrug her off, but she wouldn't budge. "Freddie, I can make you feel better." No you can't Sam. "Well I can try  
>anyway..." I leaned my head on her's. "Try me." I said.<p>

"Well. Let's see." She started. My dad died when I was 4 years old. He was the only good thing in my life until I met you and family was normal and me and  
>Melanie and my mom and dad were all a family. Then a drunk driver hit him on my 4th birthday. I didn't really understand my mom when she said he died. So I<br>thought she just meant he left and never came back. Then when I was 6, I understood more, and she had told me that he really just died. She wasn't the best mom,  
>but she wasn't the w-worst." Before she could say something else, I lifted her head and made her look at me. "Sam? Sam, are you okay? I saw the tears in her eyes<br>threating to fall. I saw the tear stains from earlier. Once I tear fell, he wiped it with his thumb. She smiled slightly up at him.

"Yeah I-No! I'm not okay! My mom died yesterday Freddie!" "Shh, it's okay, I know how you feel." "And so n-now both my parents are g-gone, and my mom died i-in  
>a car c-crash and she had my baby n-niece! S-She was just a baby, F-Freddie! She n-never got to l-live her life!" So we sat here for about 10 minutes until she finally<br>calmed down were she could talk again.

"And Freddie." She said. "Hmm?" "She looked up at me, but her arms still wrapped around me, and her head still resting on me. I looked down at her. "I can defiantly  
>fix your last problem." She closed her eyes and in the blink of an eye her lips were on mine. It took me a while to register what she was doing, but finally I kissed her<br>back. After I ran out of breath, we both pulled away. She bit her lip and it just made me want to kiss her again. I had thought about it so many times, but I never could  
>because of her boyfriend. "Sam, what about your boyfriend?" I asked very curious, and scared. "You're the only guy for me right now Freddie. I love you to." All she<br>did was sit there and hug me. At one point she whispered into my chest, "Please don't leave me Freddie." Her hot breath tickled my chest, but I just said, "Sam I  
>don't want to leave you, but this is pity love. You don't love me. This is all a trick. You're acting!" I shouted. I stood up and out of her grasp.<p>

She looked like she was about to cry again. "No F-Freddie p-please. No. D-Don't do t-this. I l-love you! I d-do!" Her voice was shaky and she was already crying. I never  
>knew I could make Samantha Puckett cry so much on one occasion. I went over to my dresser and reached inside of it and pulled out a little knife. "No F-Freddie!<br>STOP!" She screeched. It was just inches away from my heart. Then she screamed. I think she was about to faint. Pass out. Something. I didn't even know what  
>was happening. The knife pierced my skin until I felt the unnecessary pain in my heart, and my brain telling me to stop. I dropped the knife, and went over the Sam. "I'm<br>sorry Sam. I'm so sorry. I was now lying right beside her. We were facing each other and she twitched a bit before not moving. I knew nothing serious happened because  
>I took her wrist and I felt her pulse.<p>

I closed my eyes and something attacked my lips. I opened my eyes and I saw Sam was kissing me. I was so ecstatic right now. So...excited that she was okay. "I love  
>you Freddie." She said as she pulled away. "Please don't leave me Freddie...please." She curled into my chest. I stroked her soft hair. She was still shaking. Carly<br>came into the room. "FREDDIE!" She smiled so big. Me and Sam stood up. I was just calm until Carly attacked me with a bear hug. I hugged her back. Spencer came  
>in also. He hugged Carly which was hugging me. Sam joined in hugging in my other side. We all hugged for what seemed forever.<p>

About 30 minutes later Carly and Spencer were okay. Me and Sam were a couple. Turns out, she broke up with her boyfriend over a month ago, that would explain why  
>she was sad and didn't talk about him. She did tell me she hated me yesterday, so I really needed to figure all this out. "Hey SP?" I called her SP sometimes because<br>that was her initials and it also stood for "Special Princess" so that's what I called her. Mostly she was just my Sammy or Princess Puckett. I just loved how now I could  
>call her all mine. "How come yesterday, you said you hated me? Now today you'll kiss me, whenever you want?" I felt bad about bringing up yesterday because that was<br>when her mom died. "My mom died yesterday and I was so sad, so I just wanted to be left alone. When I told you I was at the hospital, you were joking me asking if  
>the doctors were checking out my brain to see if I was human. So I had every right to say it. And as so now I can kiss you whenever I want because I'm mama. You<br>know I'm mama, and your mama's boy. So come here." She was laying on my lap so she tilted her head back and I leaned down and kissed her. Then she turned around  
>kissing me for real, wrapping her arms around my neck and nuzzling her head in my shoulder, her hair tickling my neck.<p>

"I'm sorry Sam about that. I thought. I'm just...I'm sorry. For everything." I kissed the top of her head and grabbed her hand. I squeezed it. She smiled at me which I gladly  
>returned and she squeezed me hand back. Carly and Spencer smiled at us. A few minutes of silence when I thought Sam was sleeping but really was just laying on me,<br>Gibby bursted through the door. "FREDDIE! SUICIDE! AHHH!" He ran around the couch about three time until he noticed me. "Oh hey Freddie...Wait Freddie? What are-?  
>You and-? But I thought-? I so conflicted right now! Wait...is Sam actually sleeping on your lap? DUDE! Is she dead?" "Yes Gibby, Sam is dead." I said sarcastically. When<br>Gibby turned around Sam picked up her foot and dropped it. I winced in pain, but tried not to show it. Sam decided to play along though.

"Whoa, this is so weird! Wait so you're like, not dead Freddie?" "No Gibby I am very much alive, and am totally in love with my bully. Sam "came back to live" and we kissed  
>for like a whole minute. She bit her lip in that Sam cute way again, and we kissed again. This time she smiled at me and put her head back on my shoulder. "She's not dead?"<br>YOU people are monsters!" He sat down on one of the chairs. "Hey Carly, do you um, maybe want to um, maybe go out sometime?" Gibby asked Carly obviously very nervous.  
>"Aw Gibby! Sure! OH! I KNOW! Sam, Freddie, Gibby double date! TONIGHT!" Carly was smiling like she just became the first female president. "Sure." We all agreed.<p>

Me and Sam sat there and we feel into a nice sleep. I saw Gibby trying to work up enough nerve to kiss Carly, but eventually Carly got annoyed and shoved her mouth onto his.  
>I quickly looked at my blonde headed beauty before falling asleep next to her.<p>

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><p>I woke up to see Carly and Gibby fast asleep on the other side of the couch in basically the same position me and Sam were in. I saw Sam was curled in my lap, her head<br>on my chest, her arms crossed, and her legs bent and laying above my knees. I knew she was awake, because I could actually feel her eyelashes brushing my shirt as  
>she blinked.<p>

I saw we had all only slept for about an hour and a half. It was 5:39 PM, and our double date was at 7:00. I nudged Sam and she stretched kicking Gibby in the process and they  
>stirred but didn't wake up fully. "Thank god." I heard Sam mumble. I smiled at her as she stood up and she was stretching her arms and smiled back. She sat down next to me<br>and we were trying to figure out what was better to do to wake up Gibby and Carly. Sam thought we should tell them Carly's room was on fire again. I thought we should tell  
>Gibby that they have cheese flavored liquid soap in the hallway, so that Gibby would wake up, Carly would fall, and they would wake up. We finally decided to just wake them<br>up and tell them we broke up, and this is how it went.

"I hate you Freddork!" "I hate you more Sam...jerk!" Step. I love this! The best part is, at the end we kiss and slap each other and kiss again, then say we love each other.  
>"I can't believe I wasted my time loving you when you never really loved me Fredpants!" "That's right! It was pity! You're pathetic!" Step. Carly and Gibby were up by the time<br>Sam said the second thing. Wow she yelled loud when she wanted to. "At least I didn't want to kill myself!" "You're unbelievable. I hate you! I'm tired of you pushing me around  
>like I'm some puppet, Puckett!" Step. By now we were kissing distance away. Perfect. "But you were my puppet." She said quietly but loud enough for everyone to hear. "I still<br>want to be." I said just like her. We were looking down. So we looked at each other and we kissed. Her hands went to my shoulders like they usually do, and mine went around  
>her waist. Then we pulled away after 10 seconds of bliss and then I slapped her. She slapped me. It looked like we hit each other hard but not at all. Then we kissed again and<br>gosh was this one good. I pulled her close to me by her waist and, she actually wrapped her arms around my neck this time. It was very comforting. 15 more seconds of blissful  
>Sam. Her lips tasted like ham and strawberry. That sounds nasty but it mixes in good and tastes like any Samantha Joy Puckett...my Samantha Joy Puckett would.<p>

When we pulled away she bit her lip again, and that made me want to kiss her again an again an again. I bit my lower lip to keep from kissing her. She looked surprised but kissed  
>me again anyway. I blushed...Wait what! Men don't blush! Gosh, this girl makes me weak. I love her so much. "I love you so much!" I said. And it was so true. I looked at her. Deep<br>into her beautiful green eyes. "I love you to Freddie. I love you to." I was looking so deep into her eyes. "You're so beautiful." She looked down. I assumed she was blushing. I  
>pulled her in for a hug. She hugged me back. Pretty soon I felt someone grab Sam, I looked up and saw Carly. "Ca-arly!" Me and Sam both whined. "Freddie we're going on a<br>double date. Please, you'll see her in an hour. Sam, we're going to get ready!" I heard Sam whimper. "Freddie save me! Carly! Don't you dare touch my face with your evil demon  
>cosmetics! AH!" I just smiled at her. I ran over to her as Carly was about to drag her up to her room. "Carly just let me hug my Sam, before you do anything to her beautiful face."<p>

I hugged her and whisper in her ear. "Sam you don't have to wear make-up to be beautiful. You have me and will never lose me. Tell Carly, unless you want to, I just want to see  
>you. I love you Sammy." She smiled. I could feel it. "Thank you Freddie. I'll wear it for Carly because well, you know her..." I laughed at that because it's true. It's best to just let<br>Carly do what she wants. "I love you to Freddie." She leaned back kissed me and ran up the stairs with Carly. I watched her walk up and then sat down next to Gibby. "We  
>both just looked at each other and said, "How did I get so lucky?" Then we just laughed. We both went home, got ready, and got back to Carly's. I didn't go all out fancy. I mean,<br>there are millions of dresses and yet all a guy can do is wear a tuxedo. It truly sucks. So I wore some black straight leg pants, gray converse, and a button up white dress shirt.  
>I had my black jacket on. I was on the couch flipping through the channels when Gibby came in. I heard a we're ready at the top of the stairs. I set down the remote turning off<br>the T.V completely checking my watch, it was 6:46 PM.

First Carly came down and she looked great, she was wearing a bright yellow dress with ruffles at the top and buckle around the waist area. I didn't may much attention to her,  
>especially when Sam came down. My jaw dropped. I walked over to her. I just stared at her. "What?" She asked because I was just staring at her. I told her the truth. "I just<br>can't believe that you're all mine. She smiled at me. Blushing, she kisses me. I kiss her back, loving every second of it. She pulled away doing that thing with her lip. I  
>captured her lips in another kiss, and I felt her smile into it. I took in what she was amazing and told her she was beautiful and I loved her.<p>

She smiled that beautiful smile and kissed me on the cheek. I put my arm around her shoulders and she put arm around my waist. Me and Sam, and Gibby and Carly all walked  
>out to our date.<p>

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><p>Just as we were about to leave the restaurant we were at, the radio changed from rock music to Running Away by A.M. Me and Sam smiled at each other. "What's wrong you<br>guys?" Carly wondered. "Oh this is just the song we first kissed to..." Sam said. "Aww! You guys! Let's dance to it then!" She was smiling brightly. She wrapped her arms around  
>Gibby's neck and he put his arms around her waist and they were dancing. Sam smiled sheepishly at me but put her arms around my neck anyway. I put my arms around her waist.<br>She leaned into me and put her head on my shoulder. Her hair was so soft and it tickled my neck again. We swayed to the music. Towards the middle of the song we sat down.  
>"I keep runnin' away. Even from the good things." The song went. "Well...lean." She said smiling. I did just like I did on the fire escape. I looked down, then at her, leaned in and<br>kissed her softly. She didn't really kiss back til' the end like she did the day of our first kiss. When we pulled away we just started laughing like crazy. "Hey," I said "I love you."  
>I was grinning one goofy smile. "Love you too." Sam said grinning back at me.<p>

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><p>It was 9:32 PM at night and Sam was curled up on me and we were both tired and watching a movie. I was about to go to bed so I told my blonde beauty, "I love you Sammy."<br>"I love you to Fredderly." "Would you ever stop calling me names?" I asked but not caring if she ever did. She just kissed me and said, "Old habits die hard, Benson."

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><p>August 26th 2019-<p>

I Freddie Benson married Sam Puckett. So let's just say, I am glad for some things happening. When suicide is an option, don't use it, because as my Princess Puckett always said,  
>"Old habits die hard."<p> 


End file.
